For those of you not familiar with it, today is the Jewish holiday of Purim, one of the few times during the year that we are allowed, nay required, by Jewish law to cut loose and be crazy. So in the spirit of the holiday, here is my offering.
A Purim Shpiel (Purim Story):
(which is *very* loosely based on the Scroll of Esther and don’t start screaming intellectual property or copyright breach at me, ‘cuz I’ll sue the pants off ya-I have friends here who are lawyers…wave, wave):
(It is morning in the palace quarters of Vashti, Queen and Head of the Shushan Spinning and Knitting Guild:)
“Gevalt! Someone get all these neck-ed sheep out of here! I’ve been shearing and washing fleeces for the last 3 weeks and I’ve now spindle spun enough wool and cotton for all the wall hangings in Ahasuerus’ kingdom, let alone the palace. Where is that Rumple..stilts..person when you need him?!”
“I stink and my arms are blue up to the elbow from dying this stuff and NOW Ahasuerus decides he wants to throw a party? Let ‘im make his own arrangements! I’m going to go have a bath!”
(Several hours later:) “Ah! Much better. I think I’ll just lie down and take a quick nap before the guild meeting.”
“Yesssssss, WHAT is it? Why is it the minute I close my eyes someone just has to disturb me?”
“Your Highness, The King wishes you to attend upon him and his guests in the garden.”
“Has he been drinking or what?! I’ve just spent the better part of a month getting the materials ready for my demo at the guild meeting this afternoon and I’m not going anywhere, especially not to one of his drunken brawls. Tell him I’ll come tomorrow. In any event, his parties last for days on end.”
(Several hours later in the reception rooms to the Queen’s chambers, the monthly meeting of the Shushan Spinning and Knitting Guild is taking place:)
“…and I hope you’ve been inspired by these new techniques I’ve shown you all. If you’d please take out your knitting needles and cast on 350 stitches, I’ll walk around and try to help out if you get stuck.”
“Not just now, thank you. We’re counting stitches. 216, 217, 218…”
“That tears it! I’ve lost count! Who is it and what do you want?!”
“Your Majesty, I’m sorry, but the King insists that you come down to the garden to entertain him and his guests.”
“Guests, Shmests! You can tell Mr. Party Guy that I’m in the middle of my guild meeting and he can get someone else to entertain his drunken friends!”
(Several days pass without incident, until one day Vashti returns to her rooms only to find them locked and someone else occupying them:)
“The Queen and Head of the Shushan Spinning and Knitting Guild, that’s who! And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll open this door!”
(The door slowly opens and there before Vashti stands a wisp of a girl who looks like a good wind could knock her over.)
“And who, may I ask, are you?”
“I’m the new Queen of Shushan, the one chosen because you wouldn’t come to entertain the King and his guests. I’m sorry to tell you that the King has decreed that you are to be turned out.”
“Can I still be the Head of the Shushan Spinning and Knitting Guild?”
“What do I know? I don’t spin or knit!”
(evil cackle) “Free at LAST!”
A very happy Purim to everyone!
Yours in knitting,
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